B3cks ~ Just a D.r.e.a.M

kinkiest moment

2011-10-18T15:19:00.001+08:00

So,
Anyone dare to share their kinkiest moment (with bf/stranger/casual sex buddy/etc)? Haha..
Mayb I 'experiment' some of those suggestions later. keke

So fast.. 2012 coming soon! (and I wanna hav S.e.x as much as I can b4 e end of e world)

2011-10-16T21:48:00.001+08:00

2012 is end of the world right? Naah... not! Anyway, havent update this blog for ages. Dusty...

There is a lot things to update, but dont knw where to start. I colored my hair (looks boyish now), cancel my PR (while other people might dying for it, im cancelling mine) so I can withdraw my CPF. Quite a big sum if convert to RM. Six digit..hehe

So, i got house, car.. bf... next Job! Looking for job in Malaysia soon...

so.. it's the beginning..

2011-08-13T22:48:00.002+08:00

:)
Picture tell thousands words right? Well, as you can see here, I'm part of the family again.

It wasn't smooth sailing but at least it's getting better now..

Good relationship must have strong foundation right? So we need love, tolerance, good SEX, and... House!

Ya I'm buying another one here in BP, but this time together with him..

I want to get married...

2011-07-28T14:31:00.001+08:00

Don't marry the person you think you can live with, marry the person you think you can't live without..

Yeap. I'm on this mission today. It was so abrupt that I talked to my boss yesterday That I need to take a break. On leave till weekend start today as I .. On life changing mission. cross the causeway, then rent a car and cruise through highway all the way to Batu Pahat. First time driving here and it was smooth journey with the Toyota vios 1.6l.

Reached B.Pahat in just 1.5hrs. I'm driving fast (160km/Hr) .. Haha. I don't care if I got summon, I'll do no matter what is required to ask the ex-bf to MARRY me!. Well, he's going to china next week for 2wks and I'm not going to waste this chance to ask him just once in our lifetime. I'm worried that he's gonna marry his "job" and KIV me forever..

Reached his boutique at the summit. Shop closed. Couldnt find him. This time
Lucky, I got his number from the banner outside. Wanna call him straight but don't dare, so I drove further to his house. B.Pahat road network was bit messy, but I am determine to find him.. Drove to his house (as in like 'local') without any problem. It seems like my senses telling tell me .."turn left, right". And there I am.. His house.

But nobody home. I got panic.. I'm worried he probably he has gone to kl right now.

So... I called him. But he is not picking up. Then I SMS him. Still no reply. So I waited awhile, about 10mins. I called back, and this time he answered my call. Jaw almost drop.. Gosh. I really missing his voice. He said, he is busy to prepare things for his boutique branch at another mall. BP mall. I was so exciting till I couldn't say anything.. Till...

I said "can I meet you now?"

Yes! He is meeting with me later. About 3pm as he don't want his younger brother knew that I am here.

At least, his tone of voice still sounds like he is my BF. soft and quiet..

So I drove to minyak beku (to kill time). It's my favorite place, very quiet and near to sea side. Sounds of sea .. Bird, really calming :).

I need to prepare and buy couple ring. I'm not going to rush or anything but at least I'm here today to tell him, I love you forever and ever..

I'll be strong...

2011-07-24T19:06:00.001+08:00

Yo fellow reader.. You all must b very sianz with my write up here. Everyday emo post.

Haihz..

I don't know leh, I think I can't continue like this anymore. At whole, my life has 3 main section:

Love
Career
Health

See '"love' is in my first priority? Coz in tr past since small to university, I always feel alone, stay alone. Not much friends or stuff like that. So that's I always feel
Insecure lor. Is that's why I NEED love. No love, then I'll have weak career & health. No motivation to move..

Sometimes, I just feel want to give up here in singapore. Take out all my savings, pay off debt and go back to hometown and do kampong job n retired.

Haihz.. I need to find love but I know it's not going to be easy, coz I loved only one person and you guys know who. Him and only..

Why slut?

2011-07-24T03:22:00.000+08:00

I tot I can control my sexual slutiness. :( I slept around again. Haihz.. I don't know how many more hearts I need to break b4 I repent. Haihz.. I'm slut.

I must be a good boy.. Otherwise good thing will never happen to me ..

getting back to life..

2011-07-23T19:35:00.000+08:00

Yeap. For the past 2 months everything seems messy. (not used to being single).. SO, I did help myself to re-engineer my schedule to a 'proper one'. Spent few hours at Library scathing these shits. haha

Goal:
1. Better Time Management Planning

Result:

Thats my lappy :) since 2008.. nothing to do with my schedule.


The ex's notebook. Yeap! Everything about me is there ..

errr... existing activities. so meesy right?

Simplified AM schedule

Simplified PM schedule

Okay... I think only me could comprehend this scath. ahaha! Well, basically the last 2 pix is very important. To remind myself to wake early and reach office ON TIME (9.00am) and go to bed by 12.30midnigt!!

i will live strong babe..

2011-07-22T02:51:00.000+08:00

nothing much to write leh.. hmm July 2010. He said to me, "it will be just you and m3". Have faith and we will go thru this together.

b3cks~

OMG!! he's added me!

2011-07-21T00:13:00.001+08:00

Omg ! The bf(ex) added me in his fb! Well, I mean, he accepted my friend request!

Damn.. I so missing him now :(...

love is a decision, not feeling!

2011-07-19T11:20:00.001+08:00

I'm tired ~~ again!!
Ok. I think come across to life changing moment today. It says

"love is a decision, not feeling"

So for the past 2 months, I couldn't find anyone (well, I did lah. And some is really gd looking and has the good quality of being bf). The onus of this issue is that, for long time ago I DECIDE to love my bf(ex) only. So that's why the reason I couldn't start r/s with any of the guy I'm dating now.

Relationship turn love checklist(quality of the guy(s) I'm dating now:)
1. Looks - pass with distinction
2. Attitude - pass with distinction
3. Well being - pass with distinction
4. Chemistry - retest
5. Feeling - no feeling at all

So this sums up to my failure getting stead with guys for the past 2 months. Conclusion? I've DECIDED since beginning to love this guy name 'Mervyn' since beginning because he passed all those above (I hope I passed his too).

So love catching is suspended for time being. Let me think I want to do next:

1. Get back to normal life. Focus on work. Be punctual to work and stay motivated.
2. Be prudent in spending. Save more $$ so I could be financially free and RICH.
3. stay healthy. Stay away from FAT food, exercises (like I always did prior to my break up with ex-bf).
4. Looking good. SK-II really got result leh, my skin will get younger sooner hehe.
5. Occupy my times with beneficial n healthy activities. Quit grindr, etc. I should quit Facebook too.

~just m3

missing puzzle

2011-07-17T19:20:00.001+08:00

I am tired but I will never give up searching the another half..

When the time and place is right, we will get united and become one ..

I must be strong

2011-07-07T00:42:00.002+08:00

When I'm sad, you were there for me. When I'm alone n feel like nobody is care about me, you were there for me and assure me you are with me.

When I'm about to give up, you were there for me and gave me hopes.When I'm feeling down, you were there for me and console me.

When I'm seems in trouble, you were there for me and pull me out from this messiness. When I need I just need someone to talk to, you were there to listen all my rubbish.

I look to you once again (in my dream) and before you leaving me this time, would you pray for me for the last time that I will live Strong?

I miss you and I really Love you..

~B3cks has emo-breakdown again tonight.

repost.. about gay r/s. sad but true

2011-07-05T20:07:00.001+08:00

kl, so here I am again..

2011-07-04T15:57:00.002+08:00

I think this month alone, been to kl twice already. Hehe..

Hmm.. Being slut again. ;( sleep with someone's BF. Maybe revenge? Maybe frustrated coz my ex did the same (I mean sleep w sm1 while attracted w me last time).

Or maybe I'm really super slut lor.. Haihz. Waiting bus going bck to Singapore now. 4.30pm bus.

So here I am again, at Starbucks spending my hard earned $$

Hmm... I should get myself settled down n get BF soon. Tired of this... Slutiness.

Yesterday was just a dream. Tmrw is another dream....

2011-07-02T04:04:00.000+08:00

B3cks is in another complicated r/s. Like this song..

I love you... Just m3 & iPad!

2011-07-02T02:35:00.000+08:00

Hmm... iPad. Ya! He never cheat me, never leave me, never hurt me, never scold me, never nag at me. He always there for me! Haha

Yeah, crazy right? Well, at least I'm not so lonely now.

And... He is going with me to kl this Sunday, meeting 2nd BF. yeah, number 2! Hopefully 2nd BF don't mind if I sleep with him together with 1st BF!

Haha,!

one time one place one kiss

2011-07-01T00:02:00.000+08:00

Some pics from BAngkok...

Lazy to Blog anything about my experiences. Guess its the same like e other AJ/PLU experiences too. Massage, shopping, sightseeing... clubbing... errr.. extra extra! haha

Almost missed my plane.. me lah, always last minute.

Reached Bangkok. About to take train to city..

So funny... BABI mild..

Grandma preparing 'thais salad'. sum tum or something lah. dunnow how to pronounce that.

Floating Market.. yucks.. their river really super dirty.

Temple area la..

AJ? confirmed AJ! Seen him offer his pray to .......like his wishes came true. (I think so la.. he look so uncle already, but his boy - bf is so young and yummy).

Four-face Buddha. (Offer your pray here, and wish your dream come true)

Airport Express


Haha.. why I smile like that? ugly..

Can't wait to be there again for holiday. V nice...

I'm sorry coz I'm still missing you...

2011-06-29T00:43:00.001+08:00

I'm still missing the ex-bf... Don't know why today the feeling towards him really strong. Added him in fb but as expected got rejected. I really wish to tell him that I already move on and wish that he accept me as friend.

I knee he is busy with his business, and has new bf there too (me and his ex's knew that he is not that type that get single for long, in 1-2 weeks after broke off normally he will get attached again with any1 of his admirer).

Good for him, he is doing well and stay happily ever after w the new bf.

I'm not jealous, (although the small heart says otherwise). I'm just too happy that I knew it was good decision to let him go and seeing him happier with his newer bf ..

bye bye land of smile!

2011-06-28T00:17:00.000+08:00

So tired n exhausted :( and so sad leaving BKK. Will update my blog tmrw.

Wish that my next visit to Bangkok would be just m3 & BF

not really bang-cock!

2011-06-25T22:26:00.002+08:00

Haha! So far I have being good boy and didn't really do anything naughty. Oh ya, was super busy shopping (like there's no tmrw). Hmm, went to dj station but mayb I was with friends, I didn't really have the space to go n pick up people. Anyway, I'm might be mistaken for being another Thai boy (or money boy) so that's why have to compete with other guy haha!!

Btw, the friends from Vietnam was being nice. But too bad, they are so... Bored! Except for one of this boy whose have te potential being AJ. well, he is AJ! Perhaps ask him to accompany me go sauna mania later?

here I am again, Bangkok

2011-06-24T09:02:00.001+08:00

Well, not really!! Still in the train rushing to change airport! I'm damn late. Flight is 9.40am but now 9.00am still here!! Die lah...

Hopefully SQ can let me in later.. Cross finger xx

Latest update: I'm boarding with manual pass!! Haha! What does it means? I was late and denied for check in. But managed to speak(flirt) to the counter manager and get checked-in manually! Trade off? I need to sprint and run (was running like mad with my backpack on) for 300meter to boarding gate. Otherwise bye bye Bangkok...

SIA DAMN GOOD RIGHT??

BANG-COCK

2011-06-23T23:00:00.000+08:00

I'm so excited now! in less than 24hrs from now I'll be in Thailand for holiday! yummy... can I try Thais? (err.. I'm looks like Thai myself? but the dark dark one lah) haha

Things to Bring:
1. Passport
2. $$$
3. Toiletries?
4. Some basic shirts. Gonna buy alot in BKK.
5. Iphone charger?
6. Camera? nah.. iphone will do.
7. dunnow la..

Yeah! going there with the Ex-BF's friend from Paris. So not sure if this gonna be fun or not. but just try lah..
.
Things to do:
1. Shopping
2. Club
3. Massage - Gay massage? haha
4. fun? sauna? yerr...
5. Go n pray pray
6. tailor made shirt & pant..

My dream! Just Me n U

2011-06-23T01:13:00.003+08:00

Weird, I'm dreaming again! =] btw this time managed to get some of my 'dreams' realised.

Some of the dreams I had in mind now!
1. Having meaningful relationship and get settle down! (Yeah with Mr. Right - now I'm sounds sooo bottm)
2. Healthy and Fit - 50% achieved (173cm 65kg?)
3. Sporty car - Wait till I settle down first.
4. ~~Luxury house~~ - Yeah!
5. Financially Stable and debt free
6. To be more caring husband...
7. list continue....................

Talking about Luxury house, I always have this dream to live together with the BF(ex) in this studio unit located just near city where we can chill out anytime in the weekend and not worrying about traffic jam. (KL where got place no traffic jam??).

So, 2 weeks ago I Went to KL (alone) to buy this 1 unit of Studio Apartment . (Thanks to YW for his company)

VUE Residences
Basically, this unit is still under construction and located just near chow kit monorail. (opp General Hospital). The location not very near to city but not so bad coz I can drive to Pavillion in just 5-10mins. So not so bad!
Purchase Price: RM544K
Downpayment: RM10K
Loan Amount: 90% (intent to fully settle this loan in 5 years - gotta save more in SGD and pay off this loans. Gross Salary SGD5K/month. If I able to save just SGD3K/m then in 5 years I would have SGD$180K + %. Plus existing savings, Should be on track to settle this loan in full)
Size: 726sqft
Land tenure: Freehold
Development Type: High Rise - Full Services Apartment
Renovation concept: Still thinking what design suit to me. no idea! haha. Nvm, let the future BF decide. Cost should be in the range of RM30K-RM50K
Purpose of buying: To own piece of KL and a place to settle down with the future BF
Intended car to buy: BMW sports

Initially I am feel unsure if this is right buy or not, but the location is not bad and the price just right! Although there is 1 nearby condo cost only RM400K for 1000sqft, but that one looks like public housing to me. .. (Titiwangsa Sentral). At least this one (VUE Res) looks like "more Premier" people staying. Mont Kiara bye bye lah.. way too expensive and the location wise is something I dont really like. (mostly unclish ang mohs stays there I heard)

yahoo!!!! my home loan approved today so I'm 1 step closer owning this studio unit. Will be in KL this 2-3 July 2011 to settle the SPA. I'm like growth stocks and has strong potential to be 'blue chip' stock right?. so who want to buy (be my bf)?

Long winded post again!!!!!!

sluttiness in m3 Part 3

2011-06-22T11:46:00.003+08:00

Part 2
Part 3 come faster than I thought lolx happen last night, again!

M3: can I come up? (we stay just few hundreds meter)
Al: hmmm

M3:? Bf is there?
Al: how fast u can come?
M3: 7.5mins

Then you know what....opps. So "unsafe" again!!!

This morning woke super super late an all te bosses start looking for me now. Late for work.......

P/s: left my watch at his place! Hopefully don't get found by his bf..

be free, travel free

2011-06-22T01:27:00.001+08:00

Noticed that traffic to this blog jump up alot recently. But comments is not coming in..

Probably I'm long winded?

Haha! Maybe. Hmm...I'm looking forward to my Bancock trip this coming Friday. Yeah...

To do list:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.

the slutiness in m3! Part2

2011-06-20T22:31:00.004+08:00

Part 1

Oh ya.. about that night, after drink met friend of friend of mine. So... went to his house (in the state of super high)

Then this guy very house>> WOW!! very nice! its like studio (feel like in 5 star services apartment!!!!). Really super tired n told him I want to go bed straight n sleep! but.. instead he drag me to bathroom and shower together! Opps..

His tool?? wah.. so big (err, big as the ex-bf). So.......suckable!!! hahahahaahahahahahhahaha just imagine yourself la. Shower.. wash here n there, suck here n there! (so wasted, coz he is btm!)

Crawl to bed and when I about almost to ZZZ zzzZZZzzz this boy withdraw something from bedside table and put on rubber on my tool??? lololol

Err... but after few thrust I got so exhausted and painted? haha! no la. the dragon tool cannot wake up and sustain the alcohol influence. so wasted right?........! Then this guy is super horny lor and ask him to finger him sumore! Dont remember if I did or not.. but I recall next morning when I woke up, the.. you know what lor. wah! his abs really toned and has tatoo on it! hot!!

Err... then that morning, I got shock coz.... I'm sleeping w some1 BF!!! OMG OMG!!!!! so, i cepat-cepat pack up n rush go off. Worried get caught.. (no wonder la house so nice, the BF must be super rich)

I'm just different.. But I'm perfectly normal..

2011-06-20T21:35:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling fresh!

I'm just feeling different and I feel more energized.. Yeah. Hmm, just found that the song playing now (Glenn Fredly - January) Seems a good song to wrap up everything!

There's old saying that 'What is yours is your, what is not the is not'. So, I should just let go and focus on the new one. Yeah. I'm different but I'm perfectly fine n qualified ya? Am I? Or I'm not! live in my own dream..?

I'm happier and will stay happier

2011-06-20T01:45:00.002+08:00

Dear BF(ex),

I'm happier and feel much better now. Yeah, still missing you but I guess I should let go and keep moving forward. Glad that you are happy there with your new BF too.

So far I'm doing good. Financially I'm on track to be more debt free (thanks to my prudent spending). And ya, as for my future plan relocating back to KL, I recently bought services apartment in KL, the VUE Residences which is currently under construction and should b ready in December 2013.Very near to city area, in between Chow kit Monorail & Titiwangsa Monorail. Scrapped my initial plan to buy one in JB as the location is not good as KL.

I'm still single.. yeah. Tried to date few guy but they seems far to reach the level that I can LOVE them unconditionally as I love you. So for the past 1 month, I was slut (and still) did slept around with several guys here sg and kl :(

oh ya.. I am very close to the edge that I'm so miss-believing about true love. Just recently I slept with a guy (who's attached and claimed that he love his BF very much) and I feel so SAD to say that our circle really hopeless if we to' believe' that we can be FAITHFUL to each other and don't sleep around (like you did too). I means... I learn to accept that love and lust is 2 different things. you can love someone and says you LOVE him everyday. But yet, on the next day we still can share our body to 3rd party? OMG..i'm so not believing this.

So for now, I would just stay plain like this and live through my singleton life.. My advise to everyone.. life goes on., n life is best teacher in e world. This would be the last post about me ranting sad stories about me and him (ex-bf). Like Eric BKT said, I gotta start a brand new blog and let go the past. Yeah! I did! see my new blog design? interesting right? shinny and happier :)

I'll pray everyday for your happiness and may your dream come true!

the slutiness in m3!

2011-06-19T16:54:00.002+08:00

So last night I am happily went to Taboo meeting up with NK from KL who's on holiday here in Singapore (for the pink.dot). Patiently queued to the club (almost half an hour) and sweat like mad. ~~Thanks~~ Due to PINK.dot, now everywhere is cram for party celebration.:P opps..

So many people queing..NK also never sms me his exact whereabout. I think his idea of me going in and searching for him in e club is bad idea at times like this. Seems almost everyone is wearing pink.

Tried to search the dancing floor, bar, everywhere.. (taboo got sooo many overly build guy.,. can imagine how I squeeze here and there?) but still failed to locate him.

So frustrated. Then... went to bar area and waited there for dont know how long. Checking my iPhone see got NK sms or not still dont have. Everyone seems enjoy e night except me. Haihz.. dont really like Taboo. Still prefer Play (although music in PLAY is lousy) at least there got more cute boys than Taboo.

Waiting.. waiting.. then Dont know how I end up partying with this ang mo couple. middle age guy. (urgh! I dont like ang mo). All the chinese looking at me (probably thinking im the mon$y BOI!) pui..pui.. Good things, drinks is paid for! :D

Until almost to the end, then received NK sms that he is leaving and now waiting near toilet (Exit area). Haihz. when about to leave then only sms me. Sad. Probably He dont know yet how bad I wanted to see him. Hug him but he seems so cold lor.. no wonder la, he is dating with the singaporean guy (stand just next to him).

So game over for me lor!!!!!!

So they went home and me back to e club. Dance n party with the ang moh couple. High to max after dunno how many tequila shots. then.. you know what happen at the club lah. (kissing or hugging to whoever dancing next to me). SUPER DRUNK + NAUGHTY to MAX!

ttt..tt..tt..

then the next morning, I woke up next to guy. (with not bad looking young chinese guy - AV). Oppss... terbuat de! SOrry NK. I really miss you :(

p/s: B3cks is not allow to anyhow go drink alone anymore.

How I miss your smile...

2011-06-18T11:12:00.003+08:00

How I miss your smile..

Cheeky smile .. Just a brief one, but that's enough to bring happiness to me. You gave me hope. You gave me reason to live another day.

This road might not bring me anywhere. Ahead is full with surprise and uncertainty but I'm ready to endeavor this ..

P/s: let this chris brown's 'next to you' sing for me..

just memories from the past...

2011-06-16T01:30:00.001+08:00

http://justb3cks.blogspot.com/2010/12/how-slut-is-slut-part-1.html

Caught in the act.. PArt 1

2011-06-03T23:25:00.000+08:00

1 months has past since me and the bf (ex) broke off (btw, to avoid confusion he is my 2nd bf).

Still fresh in my mind how do we first meet and flirt. Its like 2 love bird.. ya :) so sweet..

<2 years back somewhere in June/2009>

Let's recall how I got broke off with 1st bf n get together to 2nd bf.

I admit I'm ~~super~~ slut at that time. While attached to my 1st ex (for 4 years), I always chicken out for ONS (some many night stand!). :(

But this time...(I mean the time I met my 2nd bf), I know what I want and I really want him and I really love him. About 2 months me and the bf (2nd BF) had this secret affairs till..

One fine evening, while having the 'love making session' at home, don't know how and why the 1st bf back home earlier than the usual. .. I still remember how his face looks like. emotionless.. speechless.. hide in the kitchen for minutes.

Hug him (1st bf). .. tear flowing (guilty).

Me: Babe, I'm sorry....

1st BF: Ask him go away (2nd bf)... I dont want to see his face.

2nd BF: Dear.. contact me later... I go first..

Me: Babe.. I really sorry. Lets just cool down.

1st BF: Why must do like this to me? Revenge? I really love you... don't do this to me can? (tears flow...)

Me: (silent) tears flowing..

To be continue..

why like this one..

2011-05-31T22:43:00.001+08:00

Why gay so slut one? Got bf already still want to chicken out. If once or twice then can forgive lah.. If my finger also cannot count how??

Why??? Why must like this ... Why must gay will have this kind of hopeless future? So unstable and seems everything is so bleak.

Sad :( ... Coz, I love him!! I really love him and yet why must cheat me many many times like this... Why why!?

Mervyn I really love you!!!

:(

:|

If we are still together, today should b the day we celebrate our 2nd anniversary. Now just me... Alone..Sad .. Sad.. I feel like crying now.

grindr

2011-05-31T00:37:00.002+08:00

Feel so tempted turning off my grindr. So much temptation n disturbance!

Don't know what happen to me, seems like I'm so obsessed of seeing sexy guy butt. Opps.. Hormones. Every morning I'll think of how sexy the bf(ex)'s butt... Warm n ...yummy.

Crazy. ! but sweet..

sometimes single is good. but how long is 'sometimes'

2011-05-29T23:46:00.008+08:00

For the past 1 month (since we get separated/broke off), did everything on just by myself. Lunch, dinner, gym, cinema everything.. lonely. Once in a while got friend accompany la but the feeling is so much different than BF.

BKT said, single is sometimes good. But how long? 1 month? 6 months? 1 year? or so? haihz.. Not in mood to grindring. Coz, I'm not ready for relationship. casual Sex? No way.. I'm not slut and cheap (not anymore). (sometimes I feel so super honry and feel like just fuckround any guy that available - thats grindr for?). But I know where to draw the line is. I must have self-respect. I'm not the typical AJ who's fuckround or get fuckedround! (Can't imagine how's slut is the bf(ex), just known from someone - whos has presented me credible evidence that they have ONS last year in the middle of 2010. Happen while the bf-ex staying in BEDOK and me in lavender).

Nvm, its all about KARMA. good things happen to the one who;s do good. Bad things happen to the one who's do bad. Anyway, I'm coming to KL next week. Scouting for property. Has put off plan for buying Horizon Residence in JB. Ultimately, my long term plan is to relocate myself to KL. Having nice house there, nice car, debt free, simple job thats my dream! so for this 5 years, I'm gonna work harder and earn as much as I can while in Singapore.

Back from gym and seen so many hot boy around. Anyway, none is comparable to my bf(ex) and he is still the BEST (at least in my eyes la)!

eeh? How come I looks shorter here!

easier said than done

2011-05-28T23:35:00.001+08:00

Ghosh.... I said, I HATE YOU but the more I hate u the more I'm loving you now!!!! No u turn Liao.. Move forward n forward.

B3cks! this is wake up call!

2011-05-28T13:35:00.001+08:00

Love is not everything. Oh no, for me love is everything..

Ya, met the bf(ex)'s last night and have a very good conversation with him. It's like, it is already in the book of life that this day will come. We talk a lot about him (my bf(ex)). Ya, some I would say it was shocking discovery like how "interesting" is my bf(ex) secret & sexual affairs while we weren't together.

Countless times I got cheated n betrayed. Nvm.. Love is blind and I never regret anything. Sad to say it was awful experiences but I'm stronger now.

Like the BFF said, "we decide how to carry on our life be it wonderful or not".

I'm making progress financially and mentally. Good career ahead of me and on track to be debt free in 12months. While by 2014, I would have my ppty completed "the horizon residence" in JB - priced at RM350k. And if everything is on track, based on my CPF savings alone I would be able to payoff the home loan balance exactly in 5years (S$2k X 60months = $120k) in ringgit that would be around RM300k. And with some savings, (say another $1k X 50months) I would have RM100k equivalent to pay full in cash for a CAR!

Ya... In 5 years time I would be 32yo.. With fully paid house, car and debt free, that would make me financially stress free and probably richer/better husband as well (if I to get married lah )

meeting the bf(ex)'s

2011-05-28T02:03:00.001+08:00

Omg omg... Meeting the bf(ex)'s of 2 months. He is nice person :)

Btw, going to jb n kl tmrw to survey property. Dome enough research and have some units in mind.

Anyway, seen many cute boys tonight at e-bars. Hahaks!

Good night.
And good night slutty bf(ex)..

so fast turn slut huh?

2011-05-27T00:28:00.001+08:00

Lately always see the bf(ex) whatapps online. Not his usual pattern (coz usually busy at his shop)

Then suddenly tonight so quiet (his last time stamp online was 9.30pm). Even till now still not online. So one thing is maybe happening there lah. Slut in the making. Probably after closing his shop, then go and see his new guy. Then after that go to one place and have sex. That's why no on whatapps already. Ya, I knew him too well. He is fuck up and only know to break people heart. I'm so hoping he would be played out by other guy (one day that sins will come back to him) and let him taste how issit feel being betray (just like he did To me).

It's farm for gay-slut in the making. Ya, I'm talking about u!!
Damn it. So angry now.

drunk

2011-05-26T19:34:00.001+08:00

In the mrt now.. Just came back from informal meeting (drinking session. Bit drunk now)! So political (discuss about work). It's about planning strategy and sacrificing who's whos.

So cruel right? Next month, this staff (the one we have selected for sacrificial event) sure will have tough job. She gotta fight on her own while us just watching her from distance and seeing her get axe (maybe)

Anyway, learn something to be 'manager' today. Learn how to maintain balance.

Tnrw will be seeing the bf(ex)'s ex for dinner. Can't imagine how that gonna be!

Haha..

Made up my mind, I'm going to buy that condo@horizon residence..

house. for the single..

2011-05-25T23:28:00.000+08:00

Im planning this weekend to shop for property @ JB. So far found this 'Horizon Residence' at Bt. Indah. Within the IDR itself. priced at RM350K for 3 bedroom condo. Construction has started. Seems like good investment opportunity. KL ppty so expensive (M Suites) minimum price tag is RM500K! waw! where to find this $$?

Nvm, buy small small one first. Importantly, Horizon Residence located strategicaly and near to Jusco, commercial center and new University.

hmm.. just focusing on career, career, n career. SO tired of thinking LOVE. :( But still cant let go my bf(ex). Damn missing him now and feel like going to BP n visit him n to tell him that I'm ok..and to hug hug him..

p/s: keep on coughing since last week n seems getting worst. I need to get medical check up/xray and check what happen to my lung.. Sometimes I smell blood .. its like something bleeding inside leh.

missing the ex-bf too much till get sick/fever

2011-05-25T01:01:00.001+08:00

=[
I'm missing him too much .. Not sure if he miss me here. Crap! Broke off already (dump me some more) where got miss miss me!?

Nvm, yesterday I really hate him (see my previous entry) but today I damn missing him. Body n mind is so weak n tired of trying not to remembering him, but failed.

I'm having high fever now n coughing like crazy! (till finger cannot handle keyboard properly to complete this entry).

While in the bank today, bosses giving me positive feedback and saying, in 2 years/or shorter I can have my own office! (branch manager?!)

P/s: I dreamt last night he called me and asked me "how are you?"

No point of looking back!! GAY is SLUT so I AM!

2011-05-24T01:03:00.001+08:00

The other day, went to clubbing with the bff, Jack (bf's Ex). He was right (back then, he ask me to not look back and move on). He says the BF (I mean my current bf-ex) is not worthy. In anytime soon, he will get attached again and me just another history to him! (forgot all those sweet mouth saying I LOVE YOU things) all bullshit!

Yeah, this time Jack was right again! my bf(ex) is probably now happily (good for him lor) with the guy at his hometown. Jack was right again, as he told me "Friend, dont waste ur time and get cheated again la. See la, he already planned all this while. U r just another train station like me, train come n go but we stay." Look at me lah, he dump me just like he dump you now and get together with other guy in just one NIGHT SEX!

The other day (that night we broke off), the ex-bf even mention how different I am than his EX-BF. he told me off, "why u like this one, why must always must contact each other leh? my ex-bf in KL last time just contact me 2-3 days once only, then you leh?"

Sad, why i must follow like his ex leh (2-3 days then contact ah?? Normally this kind of sentences comes out only from the mouth who's probably with another guy now!

haih.. I dont want to know already la.

I'm just so NOT BELIEVING that this circle ever got sincere and genuine love. Full with lies and empty promise. If can, I feel like want to yell at my ex-bf to behave like gentleman and just tell me the truth he got another GUY there. no need to play me out like this!

So unbelievable .. so unfaithful. SO SLUT!!!

wet dream!

2011-05-23T01:05:00.001+08:00

Shot!!! I dreamt I'm being scuk till cum out! Oh my my.. Feel like I'm back in secondary school again with wet dream.

P/s: so long nvr cum out already..

another day! b3cks has sleepless night!

2011-05-21T07:04:00.001+08:00

Technically I didn't sleep at all last night. Can't sleep as b3cks mind full with his bf(ex) images.

Thinking of what he is doing, how he is now etc.

:) normal process of letting go I guess, sooner or later I'll be alright and not to think too much.

Guess what? After so many months b3cks woke up damn early for jogging nearby basin! Oh ya.. So healthy! Haha

P/s: it's just a beginning of another chapter in my life! Yeah..

back on track...

2011-05-20T19:51:00.002+08:00

Today is Friday!! No..hooo :| I'm afraid of weekend, coz it's gonna b lonely weekend (again!)

Anyhoos, I'm back on track again - focus on gym and work. Right now I'm at cineleisure having my dinner.

So emo, coz this place used to be a hang out place for me and the bf prior to our gym at cali. So now just me.

Gonna burn that fats off! Target: 60kg with lean muscle! :p (right now at 1.7m 66kg)

P/s: feel so tempted to post my fatso pix (before n after) to motivated you guys. But shy! Hahaha (formerly was 1.7m 78kg).

love is so beautiful

2011-05-19T20:45:00.000+08:00

Aiih.... post emo emo thing again!

Remember about my friend yesterday? (the one had quarrel with his bf) Today they patched back already!. :) so happy for them. Quarrel.. then slap slap.. then sex! problem solved.

So classic right?

So tonight, will be me again. The friend of mine now busy and cant accompany me go watch movie. Tonight got so many movie to watch.. so missing my BF(ex) now. We used to watch movie on every thursday/friday like this.

can't sleep...

2011-05-19T01:05:00.001+08:00

Almost 1am but I'm still up! Urgh... I shouldn't nap just now in the evening. See.. Can't sleep Liao.

Eating McDonald somemore!! Nvm, tmrw I'll go to pharmacy and buy some slimming pills to burns off fats!

So lonely.. Haihz, the roomate this few days very cheerful n happy! Then, I just found he is dating n probably in love now! Haha good for him la. Entering honeymoon period.

Back then, everything is smooth n lovely. Then, 6 months later......... I don't know!

Anyway, my another friend who's I used to date few years ago quarreled with his bf today. I got shocked when he suddenly called me! He cried and sounds so depressed.

Oh my my... How cruel love is.it comes when u least expecting it. And it goes away just like that when you think you are almost there! That's happen to me lor.. I tot I'm almost there where I can settle down together with my bf just few more months ..

Buts it's all over Liao now.. Haihz... So much UPs n DOWNsz

just another day..

2011-05-18T22:01:00.001+08:00

Today very very busy work! Good for me, at least no need to think too much.

Haihz... So bored. Dinner alone again :( the roomie is not around also to accompany me.

Btw, I'm going Bangkok next month! Yahoo.. Going there with the bf(ex) friends.. See, I'm much closer to his friend than him to mine ..

so lonely but I'm fine

2011-05-18T00:16:00.001+08:00

Just came back from watching movie, alone. Fast n furious. Earlier on went to meet aj friend. So boring and only talking serious thingy. A lawyer...

I think I'm being not fair to him lah. Coz in my mind keep comparing him n the ex bf. Aiyo, I think I will ban myself from dating out any guy for at least 1 yr. Stay single better and hassle free.

Btw, watch that movie alone. I didn't even offer him to watch together with me. So I excuse myself to go just by myself!

Night babe..

making myself busy and occupied!

2011-05-17T10:15:00.003+08:00

AM/Noon
1. Hair cut + treatment
2. Pay all bills (credit card, loans etc)
3. Laundry!
4. Masturbate! Hahahahahaha

Noon/evening
1. Dinner with friend
2. Hang out around MBS/Esplanade area at city hall
3. If he is boring, then excuse myself to go back home early and prepare my office shirt for work.

B4 sleep
1. Blog about my experiences tday.
2. Surf some nets and survey about new financial products in e market (good banker should know more about e market than his client right?)
3. Watch some porn and imagine I'm
Making love with the bf(ex) b4 going to bed. Lolx !! Yeah. I still miss him.

View from my room..

getting used to new environment..

2011-05-16T21:00:00.001+08:00

Just had my dinner at somerset. Usually hv my dinner here with the bf :)

Btw, found $120 expired robinson vouchers left by previous staff and get it renew today. Bought shoe, socks, underwear and t shirt by just topping up $31! The whole cost if without the voucher would b $151! What a savings.. And luck hehe

Dinner at yoshinoya. Alone.. Feel not so bad even just me. :)

Btw, my hormones is raging like crazy.horny? Haha. Seen too many cute guy here..

stay positive n live strong!

2011-05-16T00:52:00.001+08:00

I must stay positive and live strong. Must make myself stay occupied and have a positive mindset.

Today started my day with good breakfast, then together with new roomate we did spring cleaning. Took 2 hour! Btw, good for me. Surely fats n calories from lunch is now burnt off.

Then, in the evening went to jog nearby. Feel fresh and fit now hahaha!! Btw, do you know I lose weight? I'm sure William will acknowledged me that I have lose weight from 75kg to 65kg if we to meet again!

Oh ya, from his whatapps status (surprisingly I still have his number there! Yeah! Really make my day.. Happy happy) the ex-bf is sick (probably fever). Wish he will get well soon and hopes that if he has bf there, he would buy herbal drink for him.

Like tuls commented In my previous post, I guess I should stay distance from the ex-bf. He probably would be happier without me.

Ok, gotta sleep now. Another fresh start tmrw.. Work, gym, windows shopping around orchard area, catch last train to home the. Sleep!

P/s: just in case if happen the ex-bf following this blog, I wish him all the best and congratulations on your newly setup business :)

still missing him...

2011-05-15T12:10:00.001+08:00

Day 4 since we broke off still no news from him. Probably he is busy taking care his shop. And probably, he found someone there already and live happily together.

I'm so missing him and really still love him but .... I don't know what should I do. Probably If I really love him, I might just let him go and let him live happily there. Not emo emo everyday and pester him.

Anyway, that night we got broke off I deleted all his contact. So no,w I couldn't even SMS "hi" to him. So it's all up to him now. If still has some feeling for me, he might send me an SMS or two to ask how I am..

just m3

2011-05-14T19:19:00.001+08:00

I'm so tired of working and now just me singleton.

So stress as nobody to talk to (ex-bf also seems like shy away from me liao)

Tonight I'm going club get drunk and just forget about this short term problem.

I don't know where this road is heading to.. FUXK!!

2011-05-12T22:02:00.000+08:00

Day 3.
Now entering to 3 days. Not much interaction. both of us seems having the distance between us getting far n far.

Haihz.. The bf seems now just care about his business. This few days we don't exchange much smses. Smses getting lesser n lesser.. Have to wait few hours before get his reply. Then when the SMS comes in, just few "standard line" and seems like repetitive one lor. E.g "I'm busy today". "I'm just reach home, tired.. Now want to go shower and SMS you later" then.. After 1 hour waiting, then finally got his SMS saying, "good night. Want to sleep already"

FUCK!!!

I feel like banging myself to the wall. Hmm.. No point talking and no point smsing. Perhaps, just let him focus on JUST his shop n probably new BF there. No need to hurt myself many times or get cheated again.

Wait wait.. I think I have done this b4. Slowly when you want to break off with someone but don't have e courage to tell him, u slowly get cold first and trying to avoid him. And now, he seems like doing this to me?? Fuck! Probably now he got new guy there and planned this since long ago.

Just like what he did to me last year November!!

I really love you but..

2011-05-11T00:59:00.001+08:00

I'm gonna post some emo thingy today in my blog. Today is our 10th days being apart (LDR). He seems busy with his shop opening (which is tmrw) and stress is running high.

But Im sure he can do this.

Btw, deep in my mind I felt like I'm being sidelined and... he seems just care about his shop only. I'm not being super sensitive or what la, but I feel so SAD lor. Sometimes I feel like giving UP seeing my whatapps (of hoping he's replying me), his first sms was in the morning and the last one is at 10pm just now. I can't believe lor he so super busy till can't reply my simple SMS asking how's his day, got lunch or not etc. I'm limiting myself to just 3 sms for day, (am, noon,evening) but he still seems lk no interest but his shop.

I'm not sure what is in his mind now. But sometimes when i'm too free and got nothing to do, I'm start imaging about the worst. Sometimes when I see his whatapps timestap, its stated that his last online was just few minutes ago. But not even a reply to me. perhaps busy with his 'friend' there?

Anyway, as long he is happy then i'm alright already la. I dont want to think too much and I dont want to loose anything. I dont want being labelled by him as EMO guy! I remember in the past, he would just use this excuse (about me being emo) to blame me (for making him stress) and find this as excuse to go and have fuckround with other guy at the SAUNA!

Sometimes I want to give up and just stop from loving this type of guy. So difficult to trust. Say I LOVE YOU to me everyday but on-and-off have fun with other GAY(S)! do you agree GAY's IS SLUT?

gosh.. I cant believe im talking this crap. Its like opening up old wound. Yet I'm still loving him!

p/s: I still love him..and cant live without his love.

houseband or housewife?

2011-05-09T23:56:00.000+08:00

Ever heard of 'houseband'? = Housewife! haha... okay. Not very interesting topic. Btw, how I wish I am the houseband. Let the 'wife' go out and earn $$ while me sit at home n take care the household n earn allowances!

Sex drive...

2011-05-06T17:34:00.000+08:00

Haha!!! What talking me!? Btw, have it ever happen to you that you got hard on whenever you are thinking/imagine about your bf especially few days before meeting up?

Lately, I got hard on whenever I'm thinking about him.. Missing him too much maybe! This Sunday I'm gonna ..." You know what" him. I'm imagining how to apply new style that I learned from the japanese porn last night. Damn. Too horny now!

Btw, I'm flying back to my hometown for short holiday today (blogging at the waiting area now). Take care!

half year almost gone! its MAY already!

2011-05-05T18:53:00.000+08:00

Time fly so fast and yet just a very little accomplishment achieved so far! So tired from work and just reach home. Suddenly feel so lonely coz usually will have the BF to accompany me . sooner or later will get use to this (already use to it la. Few months back, we broke up on this issue)

Btw, dont want to think anything yet now. I should focus on what is important and dont let this small small thing pull me down.

Need to learn more how to control myself..

Some progress of his retail shop. see the green wall? I paint that with his mum (on the background) hehe!

Back to singapore...

2011-05-04T21:43:00.000+08:00

The last 2 days were so tiring but accomplished many things. Painting done, shop Reno partially done, make love with bf done too! Haha..

Btw, today is officially our r/s going for LDR. Sure this LDR r/s is challenging one but I'm sure we can do it too! Will n e bf managed to maintain their r/s too. So I need to learn more from them now.

so here I am.. at e bf hometown.

2011-05-03T11:35:00.001+08:00

Right now I'm blogging inside bf car while waiting him n mum going shopping for painting stuff later.

btw, reached last night. Then after shower and when everyone about going to bed, the bf comeover to Guest room (my
Room) for quick... You know what haha! So horny coz thinking the you know what session is happening just next to
E parent room. then, after the you know what, back to our own room as in nothing happen. So fishy, but lucky the smart brother is not here :p

Hmm.. Surely today gonna be tiring day, to do painting for his new shop at the summit mall (somewhere in johor). But should be okay la, take it as punishment for making the bf angry days before.

what to do next

2011-05-02T12:59:00.000+08:00

Quarrel with the BF yesterday. Yeah, my fault. Sent sorry 'sms' but till now no reply. Should I go and meet the BF now or just stay here till something happen...

AJ relationship ... 6 stages of how 2 stranger meets, chasing, honeymoon, comforting, downhill, break up!

2011-05-01T22:19:00.002+08:00

I am so EMO after watching this video.. and thats just happen to me. (Found this vid from these blog)

where to start

2011-05-01T21:32:00.000+08:00

so long never update this blog. Hmm, so many things happen since my last update and don't know where to start. Btw.. how about some photo..

here I am again

2011-03-03T12:05:00.001+08:00

Well, when I'm here means I'm in trouble/blues again! Btw, I'm ought to update this blog right?

Career - Just this week, I've join new bank (not really, ex boss actually). Maybank. The environment is not very new to me. Same old things.. oh, forgotten to tell you all, just 2 yrs ago I'm actualy working at this bank doing same old things, sales.. Sales... The only different things now is, I got higher pay by 10%!! haha

Sad things, I am "feeling" like I made bad decision leaving my previous employer which is POSB. It's like turning from bad to worst! I didn't know maybank is really worst place to work than POSB! Maybe I'm not use to the environment n culture or I'm simply too comfy at POSB.

Relationship - get better and better! Although there's too much uncertainties ahead e.g bf is going for good (back to Malaysia) for business, but I'll find a way to iron this problem. We gonna discuss this matter slowly and carefully so not to hurt anyone. (that's why tonight we gonna discuss about this with help of a counsellor).

I haven't gotten a good sleep for the past few days as there's so many things to think! Work, love, finance and many2! I'm tired :(

Perhaps the bf is not understanding my situation right now but it's ok, he has more important thing to focus now (setting up business). . All the best :)

when you are in r/s, again...

2011-02-11T23:31:00.001+08:00

Long time never update my blog.. Got dust already ;p

Btw, I'm really enjoy myself after recently get attached together with ex-bf.

But then... The sweet feeling is fading faster than ever. The ex-bf seems like still the old one of him. Take me for granted. Talking to me like he know me for very long and don't really pay attention what he is saying. I mean... Not in romantic way la...

And I feel like being taken for granted. Again...

:(

Btw, his English sucks!!! Talking
Like
Aunty
To
Me.. Feel like in pasar malam. E.g. What you want to eat ah dear?

Aiyo, can he be 'standard' a bit? E.g can I offer you anything for dinner/lunch etc?

another SUNDAY

2011-02-06T18:10:00.000+08:00

Just like another sunday, after partying whole night long on friday and Saturday.. I'm so freaking TIRED!~

Anyway, better still not to stay home. Otherwise I'll get bored and STRESSED of being alone. As usual, tidying up my room a bit and SHOWER!

Went to gym at Bugis California fitness. Very quiet! GOOD and BAD! Good coz I got more freedom to use whatever machine I want and BAD coz no motivation leh.. (no hunkies or twinkies to see) Hahaha

While sauning, there is one UNCLE looking at me like want to eat me! Oh my Prada... so disgusting. Uncle already then uncle lah.. no need to scare people by looking straight to me eyes and showing his 'licking finger good of KFC tounge!! yucks....

Gym is still place for slut people to get slut!

Btw, my CY the BF is still struck in traffic jam. Well, its sunday and sure the traffic is jammed like crazy. Hope he get fast fast here in SG coz I want to HUG HUG this twinky twinky BOY... its been so long feel like 1 year already never see him.

Btw, to fill my free time with something health activity I decided to go to National Library (after gym) to borro some books about HK (travelling there this 17 Feb to 20 Feb). Thinking of going MACAU for short trip also.

Happy CNY!! may this RABBIT year will bring more bites (love) and more $$ and better health/body/looks for everyone ya! muacks...

From ~B3cks

so......bored here in SG

2011-02-04T22:10:00.000+08:00

Super bored to MAXIMUM!

CY (the ex-BF) too not replying my SMS. Happy that he's having good time now or perhaps get MAD about this afternoon.

:( MIss CY a lot!

p/s: Going to drink n Club now... my casual activity since the day I got dumped on 17/11/2011.

Just dance and don't compare

2011-02-04T15:20:00.003+08:00

And I woke up this morning, I'm feeling so different. Not that different as in I'm more handsome or what lolx

Btw, I'm still disturb by the SMS received from KY last night. He warned me about CY and be careful dont get cheated again.

I fully aware about that. Since beginning CY has lot of secrets that I dont wish to know (not so important anymore). But, sometimes because of THAT, I feel like want to distance myself away from CY (the ex-BF) even more now. Although we staying together now (and I'm very happy), sometimes I dont feel secure.
I tried very hard to be normal and honest but Dont know why CY seems like never changed. 1 good example is when he call me this noon;

B3cks: How last night outing? till 2 am ah... (with smiley tone of voices, no suspicion as its normal to go out late for CNY)
CY: err.. last night ah? Me ah? err what you say?
B3cks: Yeah last night. (Just talking in normal tone. But wonder how come CY take so long to reply. Its like thinking what answer to give me. Aiyo.. if go out with guy just tell lah.. I wont be so freaking mad. Just mad if I sense you trying to hide something from me).
CY: Err... oh, just go out with my secondary friend. err. girl friend!
B3cks: Aiyo.. then just tell la, no need to think so long (last YEAR same question and same answered. In the end, I found out that CY went out with AJ friend - so scandoulous one!)

Can see? So many secret. No wonder KY send SMS to me last night about to be careful with CY. hmm...

Btw, for the past 2 months, (while i'm single) CY have not gone thru not even a single night (of being single) and I believe he's not changed as well. He is still HIM and what Jackson (CY's another ex-BF) told me is really TRUE! CY will soon find another guy (BF) to stay with and he will never be alone. so.. I guess KY is the person 'used' by CY for the past 2 months (while separated with me).

Hmm.. I'm getting worry about this that CY is might not what I want and CY is just using me (just like he did to his previous Ex-BF(s).

Anyway, one thing for sure. I do really LOVE CY. Love is like planting flower. We need to water (chemistry), sun (sparkle), and air (space) for the flower to grow right? And not forgetting the base/foundation. If there is too much leaks, won't be long this love will sustain right.

I dont want to think & I dont want to compare the past or present. I just NEED LOVE and your SINCERITY.

Happy CNY! update..

2011-02-03T23:17:00.002+08:00

Today is the 1st day of CNY and as usual I'm alone lah :D

Which is something very normal lah. I think I'm not in luck (yet) to be brought in to the BF's reunion dinner coz.... he not ready to show me lah kan!. Nvm, fully understood. Just bit jealous lah coz my other friend(couple), never fail bring their BF to reunion CNY eve dinner and proudly present theirs BF to the parents.

Surely take a lot effort and courage and LOVE to be brave enough to bring your own BF to see ur parent right?
Btw like theme of the song in my blog, WE DONT COMPARE right?

Anyway, for those still don't know about me and BF-ex getting back together. Well then, can view my old post to understand more about the story (of how we got broke up and get back together).

Broke off:
Part 1: Sorry that I love you
Part 2: Sorry that I hurt you

Get back together:
I actually didn't really write anything how we get back together. But I remember:
1. We exchanged few SMSes that very inspiring e.g work, motivation
2. We meet few time (work related activity e.g meeting, training etc)
3. I tried to talk to him out that I am really changed person and ask for one more chance. But, he refused and keep telling me that its OVER (our r/s).
4. I got EMO for few days and lost motivation of chasing after him after many attempts.
5. He visited me for one night on friday (at my house) to take some stuff and... we accidently have SEX, GREAT SEX!
6. Later on, I eventually got to know that he is actually attached with someone and they are staying together (happily) for the past 2 months since we broke off.
7. Happy for him as he found new life for himself (while me still in hangover). So I made up my mind and decided to let go things COMPLETELY. Including starting new career back in KL and leave SG for good.
8. Then the next day, meeting him again on Monday to pass some stuff and to my GREAT surprise he asked me "You really want to leave SG or ME? I am waiting for this moment for the past 2 months to tell you about this.. that I really still love you and want us to get back together again".

Then 4 days later which is on 28/jan (the day YW - my scandalous r/s coming to Singapore to visit me) CY move back together with me and leaving his "BF' called KY.

Just my assumption, CY is leaving KY coz... KY is someone like in this post ? So CY turning back to me to runaway this kind of BF? But funny things is, CY explained to KY that he is turning back to me coz he really pity me and dont want me to blame him for reason i'm leaving SG for good. (Which is something I already explained to CY that its not the reason and I never blame anyone).

Btw, I got nothing to confuse. Important I love CY very much and I don't care if CY is playing games or what. Importantly, this time I got nothing to lose (except being harrased by KY - SMSes that broke me down)

p/s: Don't be sad lah CY. I'm here and will forever here for you. I love you..

why the EMO guy got dumped?

2011-02-02T01:25:00.005+08:00

I'm not really referring to myself la! haha... Remember the emo guy in my previous post? I think this person which is should remain anonymous 4ever ought to read this for the reason(s) he got dumped!

You are dumped becoz:
1. You are FAT! opps... Really? I dont think so. But I guess your lifestyle is too classy/luxury already. Eat buffet almost every week! omgucci..
2 You love BUFFET and eat ALL you can thingy! no wonder lah... CY DONT like buffet coz he dont really eat a lot.
3. You do gym but while gyming u even (can) keep thinking of having CHICKEN drumstick too? shhs... fat nya!
4. You a gambler!! OMG? U do gambling? RWS or MBS? what?? !!! CY definetely dont like this type of guy!
5. You CLUB every weekend? not bad... I love clubbing too. but.. CY dont like CLUBBER!
6. CY like young looking guy! oppssssss........ ok. At least right now I'm 27 but I really look like 27 lah! not so bad! Btw, I ever met a guy age 24 but looks like 30!!! OMG OMG prada...
7. You believe in love, you have fantasy about love. But then... you dont know how cruel love is. You are so IMMATURE and thats why u kena DUMP! You forcing your love to someone unwilling accepting your love yet you are claiming that you very understanding lover?.

The thing you should not get confusion:
1. He stay at your place coz really no place to stay already.. not becoz he really LOVE you than thats why stay wif u! (btw, he's paying rental also right?)
2. He boiled water for you coz he is CARING person. Boiling water for u in the night (for your cough) doesnt mean he LOVE you. CARE dont necessary need a person LOVE to do so.
3. He kiss your forehead every morning doesnt mean he really love you! CY simply care of you and feel you are poor thing guy! dont get confuse. Its not love ok?
4. Sacrifice? you said you contribute a lot and in the end got nothing? you expecting people to return LOVE for your sacrifices? oh my my.. you so BUDAK la..

LOVE is all about sacrifices and we the genuine lover dont expect anything in return for the sacrifices we made.

Good luck and all the best.. dont disturb me liao.

new beginning...

2011-02-01T22:27:00.000+08:00

Didn't update my blog for sometimes :)

Just some updates about me.

B3cks & CY: Our relationship just getting better and stronger everyday. I guess it's really fated that me and CY will get back together again (after all this) and this time we will treasure our relationship even more. We are made for each other.. (r/s going strong and we're looking forward to celebrate our 2nd anniversary soon)

B3cks & YW: Glad to see YW last weekend here in Singapore. Hmm... I dont know how to describe my feeling about YW and Me. But ..... .. probably in this life we're not made for each other.

The..jealousy guy (CY's 2 months PART TIME BF, - to be accurate, CY was rather fantasized as 'BF' by this super EMO guy ) who's trying to be EMO and insulted me with his childish SMSes has now gone for awhile (back to his place where he belong to). At least me and CY will have peace time together for 2 Weeks without disturbing smses from this super EMO guy.

So what next? :) looking forward for our HK trip this coming 17-20 Feb. Just me and CY

YW & CY

dilemma? or was it confusion...

2011-01-27T23:17:00.002+08:00

Today was one of the happiest moment I ever had (wish more to come) together with CY (the BF).

Has long chat (in the bed) and has our longest walk to mrt (sending him back). I'm overjoyed and grateful as god finally answered my pray to get back together with him.

Btw, prior to this evening I got BIGGER shocked! CY all this time saying he is staying with friend and denied that he has new bf but to my shocking his so called "new bf" SMSed me today!

"I'm CY bf. CY hated you so much and try to forget you. Now you destroy our r/s by making him feel pity about you. When u says u want to let go n back to your hometown for good, CY feel bad so he pity you. That's why now he is leaving me and patching back with you".

I don't know what happen and I don't know why I get scolded like this. I'm so helpless. Never in my thought want to get my ex to pity me and I never want to blame him to extent for what happen (about me of going back to malaysia for good) now.

I am totally understand where he (the 'bf' of my BF) coming from. I've been thru the feeling of get dump. I totally comprehend that he must be feeling really sad now.

Is it fair for him? Is it fair for me get scolded like this? Is it fair to CY to stay with person he don't really love but forced to do so as he thought I'm a very pitiful person?

Is it fair for YW? is it fair for JC?

Is it fair we lies for the sake of not hurting people that we love?

I'm really confused now.. I'm confused if I am doing right thing or not. I am not sure if the 'bf' of my bf is are genuine person and telling me the truth that he really
love n cant live without Him?. I am not sure if my BF (CY) really sure he want me back or just want to make sure everyone happy (including me) so that's why he does this to us..

I really
LOVE CY...

Love him enough to set him free again and lead his own life...With or without me..

p/s: Feeling like I want to run away to far far away.. just me and CY together...

announcement announcement... BREAKING NEWS

2011-01-26T23:05:00.002+08:00

so many thing to update here.. but really no time to write!

Breaking news!!

Remember the ex-bf? In previous post,.. which is something I dont want to talk about it anymore la.

We get BACK together already!!!!

I don't know how it's happen. hmm... but it happen really fast. Just last week, we were talking like just friend. Then, slowly develop the feeling of ..can't think of any word to express this (need to study English more).

Or confusion?

Really shocked after he says.... he was waiting for me too this 2 months. Wait till I am OK (i mean, ok to accept our break up and change to better person).
But.. with one condition. He said, we only can together for another 3-4 months. Coz he says gotta back to Malaysia for good. To open business... to achieve his dream of being his own boss.

Happy for him too...
But sad coz only have few months with him.

Now... I'm in crisis. I Need to re-arrange my plan. Hmm.. how do I tell YW?

10 days and counting

2011-01-19T00:59:00.000+08:00

9 more days...

Must get that...

2011-01-18T00:09:00.000+08:00

went to jog near my place just now. Stamina not very good.. about 10mins of running already feel so tired! Is it indicator i,m getting older (and weak in SEX as well)? oh my my.. no way!

Can't think of when I'm older... face get ugly than fat somemore! sure very disgusting kan! Ok, that one still long way to go la. still got at least 15 years to consider myself as "young"

Okay, must take care body, face, hair.. looks is very important too in this circle right? if not cannot get hook up. PLU is about PLASTICY and superfacial... :(

Btw, I remember when I just came out somewhere in 2004. Feel like like just last year! time fly really fast.

Confuse

2011-01-17T01:42:00.000+08:00

Confusion No 1: Maybank or Stanchart?

Maybank - Wealth Manager (Good Pay, but ~~lousy~~ not so big bank)
Stanchart - Excel Relationship Manager (Pay so so, but BIG bank)

Confusion No 2: Call 1st Ex BF and fuck him off!

Can return my broadband pls? Otherwise M1 will slap me with $300 penalty for missing broadband devices.

Confusion No 3: Call 2nd Ex BF and beg him to buy (this laptop bought for him last year, but after broke off he return me everything e.g LV wallet, fossil watch, laptop, everything except my love to him) my 2nd laptop at $300 so that I would pass this M1.

Confusion No 4: I need to stop procrastinating! start working out... fat..

I'm sorry

2011-01-13T17:14:00.001+08:00

I'm sorry for myself for coming to work late EVERYDAY since 17/11/2010

I'm sorry for myself drinking every week since... body full with toxic

I'm sorry for myself ~~slutting~~ sleeping around with random guys since... need to take HIV/AIDS test now..

I'm sorry for myself for not taking care of my looks and face (seldom apply facial skincare) since... looks ugly..

I'm sorry for myself for not working out enough and let my body become ugly and fat... since...

I'm sorry for myself.. of... loosing interest in SEX?? opps....

counting days to 28th

2011-01-13T01:08:00.001+08:00

can't wait to see YW!

Hmm.. got many places I wish to bring him..

:) who says LDR cant work? can!!

Btw, managed to get my iphone 3Gs exchange for 1-1 today. haha.. today is the last day of the warranty validity! My phone now is so new and scratch FREE!!

yeah...

Btw, met my exBF too today to transfer the phone line. hmm.. feeling like just a friend now.. but his butt is very sexy as ever!

Good night everyone..

just love of my life

2011-01-12T00:55:00.001+08:00

Just feeling very lonely now... Suddenly thinking of what my ex(s) ..is doing now.

JS (Mickey): can't think of anything about him now. Just remember the last messages he sent to me through Facebook. Full with hatred and extreme worded messages of hates. Broke off with him on 3/9/2009. Coz.., I'm really in love with CY more.. So ... I persuade him to move out frm the house... Peacefully...

CY(recent): saw his whatapp status as "I'm DRUNK" just now ... really worried about him. Text him but no reply..

He's probably dating with someone.. He never drink unless with someone he trust...or love.

Jealous... But helpless.. Nothing much I can do now. Probably he hated me still for what I've done to him... Beat him coz he's cheated on me.

He's probably sleeping at some other guy house now.. ;( sad .. Sad... While I'm alone here and listen to this sad song.. Declan - love of my life.

Jealous..but i'm not in position to jealous..

YW; I really miss him alot but I'm not sure how long more this fire will stay...we need 2 hands to claps for making it happen.. I don't see any hands ;(

Things seems like getting colder now.... Can sense it frm the way we exchanges smses. Getting lesser.. Colder...empty.. Guess that the feeling is not there anymore.

MY friend said..... LDR never WORKED in this circle.. I'm starting believing this... (frm beginning I know it's not going to work)

I'm really .. Sad but no point of regretting . Things happen for reason, and when I woke up next morning hopes everything will be fine again... Like what it used to be..

T_T

I'm sorry for posting this emo post...I got nobody to turn to, no best friend, no bf.. Except blog.. Sigh

Reunion with former working colleague

2011-01-11T22:39:00.001+08:00

After years .., finally have the chance to gather together with former working colleague at PRU (alumni since 2006) and me being the the senior number 2! . 5 Ladies and 2 guys (including me). Everyone talking about family.. having baby..etc

Just me.. pretend of being normal. Then... one of the girl ask, Hey B3cks! so how about you? Got GF? When want to get married. etc etc la

Then standard answer la.. blah blah.. nobody want lah..blah blah.. haha

Good in masking myself..

Then, one of the senior which is very close to me. Says.. "B3cks, you so small already. Slim down?" oh... good news finally..

Then talk talk about a lot of things.. including recently get dumped by BF GF. Then my bad habit go drink almost every week since get dumped. I even start picking up smoking habit.

Bad..bad..

She says "oh my boy.. 4 years ago, U r so ~~cute~~ innoncent boy. Look at you now.. so grown up already! quit smoking and drinking k?"

The I reply.."ok, i'll try" hugs...

Deep inside me.. says... "as long B3cks is alone and...lonely?" B3cks will never quit drinking...

I need motivation...

p/s: I need SEX! lol

About work.. n love

2011-01-10T23:51:00.004+08:00

Initially I'm really procrastinate going over for the interview at Maybank. Thanks to blogger friends, finally today I say yes to the interview invitation.

Time: 4.00pm

Place: 17th floor Maybank Tower, Battery Road SG

Yeah... the interview went smoothly (with me talking all the time of answering their question). Show them all my testimonial plus emails of compliment (from my boss of how good I am.. ofcuz the bad one I dont show la).

Very IMPRESSIVE! thats what they says la. "Ok, I think shouldnt be a problem for you la right? you know this job well as RM"

I tot they gonna say... "okay, you are accepted!" BUt..haihz.. HR is always HR. "Ok, once everything confirm We will contact you again very soon.." like the usual lor..

Btw, I am not decided yet la. But after meeting my old friend (which is happen to work at the bank as HR also) I'm more or less know what I want!

I cannot stay in the Bank I'm working presently. The compensation structure is so lousy... pay is so miserable (if to compare with other Bankers). But.. I know the Bank i'm working now is offering something big for me la. But the pay is still not good as in the whole package.

My real intention is..

Option A.

To accept this offer and work for another 2 years and earn as much as possible (incentives) and on the 3rd year or so, switching back to another Bank again (e.g local/overseas bank). This time, apply for higher post e.g Branch Manager (at the age 30). Then.. do this shitty job for another 1-2 years. When I am ready, then I can ask for transfer or I can relocate myself back to Malaysia (KL). This time as.. EXPATS or something something la! hehe.. higher pay and better status!

Then... let go my Permanent residency here and take all my CPF savings (says.. 35% of my monthly income X 5 years plus my current balance of $XXK plus). Oh, enough to pay for the down payment of 10-20% of premium CONDO in KL (e.g tag price of RM1.5million?)

Just nice.. 5 years career planning!

Salary structure:

Basic Salary: $3500 + Incentives (Minimum $1500 after hitting the investment sales target which is about $500K per month)

Total: $5000/month (Minimum)

Drawback: Less career progression (to higher lever). Bank is too small and less vacancy to climb the career ladder. Customer base is small also. If never hit target, then just earn basic salary..

Option B (Stay put with my current job)

To stay another 6-12 months with this P*SB bank. Local bank.. high chance got promoted at Assistant Branch Manager in 6 months. And to be Branch Manager within 1 year or so. Not difficult to do sales as I have bigger customer base. But the sales volume (target) really really high like sky rocketing. About $1mill per month?

Salary Structure:

Basic salary: $3300 + Incentives (so far...The incentives payout only $500 plus!! poor thing - if to compare with all the sacrifices I made.. including being busy and away from BF(ex) for appointment, meeting etc - that probably make him slutting around that time). Even If I get promoted, the increment probably in the range of $500 only.

Drawback: SALARY so small!!! then my living expenses so high! my room rental alone already $680 (since my BF(ex) left)

Obviously... the choice is option A lor..

but cross finger, hopefully they will give strategic branch.

p/s:

Whatappsed YW today...

B3cks: Dear.. it's raining here..cold

B3cks: Wish to hug u tight now...

YW: hug

YW: Hehe

opps... the reply getting shorter, shorter and shorter everyday.. is the "fire" getting smaller..smaller..and smaller everyday? is it because the distant of 12,000KM? Or is it because... YW is leaning more towards JC.. or..someone else?

Or maybe he is really busy/sick/in trouble/not in mood now..

Taking test..

and some emo song..in chinese version..

[HQ] 倪安東《Sorry That I Loved You》官方完整版MV

2011-01-10T00:15:00.000+08:00

What I need now is the heart to forgive and forget....

:)
Thank you Willk...

Oh my my.. B3cks today full with unhealthy mood swing...

2011-01-09T20:07:00.001+08:00

:(
This would be my LAST TIME staying in alone in my room on the weekend esp on Sunday! Next Sunday I wont allow thing loneliness torturing me again (Happy - Sad - Lonely - ANgry - Alone). Must go out..
..
..
Church
Lunch
work out
Movie
hang out w friend..
or whatever la...as long I dont stuck in this room and start thinking negative negative things e.g. Emo-ing!

How's my schedule looks like today.
AM.
Woke up at 8am. Breakfast at chuen chuen cafe , ~~our~~ my favorite chicken porridge. Normally will breakfast there with the BF last time.

Noon.
Trying to tidy up ~~our~~ my room. Tired... then..snoozed off after awhile.

Late noon.
Go to saloon for hair cut with Lynn (sweat girl). She is ~~our~~ my favorite hairstylist :)

Evening.
Dinner.. tabao back ~~our~~ my favorite duck rice from beach road food center. ting-tong! whatapp from YW. SO happy seeing he's online :)

Night.
Facebooking.. blogging.. read blogs.. updating my status.. etc.. (this would be my 4th post of the day liao lor!!!)

I am SO............... ALONE! and this time I feel really LONELY like nobody care :( I feel like grieving and just cry for a moment (ya crying now deep within me). Thinking of how miserable and weak I am. haihz... why today must like this.

p/s: B3cks problem is not about NOT having enough LOVE. His biggest fear is.. feeling being LONELY! :( sad.. sad.. sad..sad..sad..sad..sad..sad...

GOSH...is it hatred! or what!

2011-01-09T19:31:00.000+08:00

After reading PLUBoy and DODOBOY! oh boy'!! I feel like 'its the end of me".. heart pumping fast... blood raging to my heads..

I feel so......... confuse! or angry? or jealous? or..

relax...

But reading their post about ABSOLUTE (the gay sauna) make my wound being opened up again..

SIgh... I think I am not ready. Not ready for anything (anything at all). I feel like this moment, I feel want to take revenge.

Oh ya, the other other day (friday) met my ex-bf after meeting. We talk awhile like nothing happen. Feel happy, sad and angry at the same time. Promise to him that we will be meeting again this wednesday to transfer ownership of his mobile phone line and to settle few things e.g change of address (as he has move out to place me myself I dont know).

Ya.. I can see smile from his face..

I feel like... ... I am full with hatred coz, feel being cheated. I dont understand why must cheat me like this and go to such places (absolute).

I'm thinking.. that... this time, I'll flirt with him again.. and tell him that I LOVE HIM and.. when he seems like ok and Love me back, I'll BREAK his heart and says.. NO WAY! I'm not in love with you at all... and I got my YW!

Revenge...

B3cks.. are you that bad? or are you simply... HOT TEMPER?

Working in OVERSEAS vs MALAYSIA Part-II

2011-01-09T19:06:00.002+08:00

Bored.. :( no mood to go out, no mood to work out. Just sleep..sleep..sleep.. Bored ** Maybe I might as well sleep coz tmrw is Monday. WOrk.. work..work..work..work..

p/s: Wonder what YW doing now. SO quiet! Btw, went to new hair cut just. I feel so fresh... :D finally.. yeah!

Btw, here's the continuation of my part-I of 'Thinking of working overseas'.
So you have decided to let go your career in Malaysia and start a fresh in foreign land?

First thing first. RESUME!

Yeah, resume or CV or whatever you call it is the most Important thing to get hired anywhere (much more important than networking). Its more like... your love letter. Your cover (introduction). There's people (a lot) says, DON'T JUDGE BOOK BY ITS COVER! hell you people... WRONG! haha... so arrogance am i?!

NO! by the way, most recruiter spent less than 10seconds to scan and read our resumes (as there is thousands in their mailbox). Based on my own experience (I was a Recruiter once in awhile ago), I would simply trash resumes that sent to me without any proper introduction or something like full with 'shitty' thingy.. non relevant to the job description.

So be specific ok! Ya I know.. doing resume is really time consuming if we to custom made them for each job application. But at least try to have a decent resume and make sure you change the title of the job application.

Try to Google some sample of resume :). Then.. voila.. you'll have 'professional' look resume made just for you!

And remember, to put your recent achievement or what you are good at on your resume. I see most people just simply list down their jobs responsibilities in the past. For me.. thats boring..

If you working in IT line, try to write something e.g Accomplished database development of blah blah..using blah blah.. if in Sales, then write something like achieves sales target blah blah blah..

This way, it makes your resumes looks more seductive and intrigue the interviewer to know more and perhaps..call up u guy for interview!

NEXT STEP:
Jobstreet, jobsdb, jobscentral, st101, you name it... dont give up! try to target how must job application to complete per day. During my day.. I used to send at least 20 application per day (Newspaper + online + word of mouth).

Must have strong determination:
Don't give up easily. Sometimes luck play important roles too. Btw, in my case...I'll work harder and smarter to court this company. I would list down few company that I really want to work with (normally the MNC or the big ONE). SO, I'll try to make contact with people there and randomly check with their company directory (contact). And the next step is to mail (hardcopy) my resume + portfolio direct to the person in charge... daring right?

Usually... the whole process take at least 1 month or so.

Working in OVERSEAS vs MALAYSIA

2011-01-09T14:33:00.005+08:00

Enough talking crap about my emo-ish (well, thats the purpose of this blog.. thats why I called it 'Just a Dream') right?!

This time... let me write something more informative post for your guys. Let me give some insight information to those whose procrastinate coming to work here in Singapore.

Working in Malaysian vs Singapore - Part 1

Now, Imagine yourself working in Malaysia, say KL. Earned RM2000 on average (fresh graduates average salary) and working in office environment.

*Assumption

Salary (income): RM2000

Expenses:

1. House/room rental (if not staying with parent) : RM400

2. Meals (assume RM10/day X 30): RM300

3. Transport (assume taking public transport; on and off take taxi; RM5 X 30): RM150

4. Handphone: RM100

5. Internet Bill: RM50

6. Insurances: RM150

7. $$ send back home (parents) for some, this $$ go to car installment: RM300 or more

8. Groceries (once in awhile you'll buy something like Drink, toiletries, noodle, skin/hair treatment right?) : RM100

9. Entertainment (we PLUS/AJ sure spend a lot on this right? say club/go drink 2 twice a month; RM50 X 2): RM100

10. Incidental expenses (usually on credit card): RM100

11. EPF (10% of salary, for retirement savings): RM200

Total montly outflow (on average): RM1,950.

Monthly Surplus: RM50 so in a year will be RM600 or for some negative (credit card bills)! how to go travel? how to buy house? ~~need to sell backside to earn more?~~

Now, Imagine yourself working overseas, say Singapore. Earned SG2000 on average and working in office environment.

*Assumption

Salary (income): S$2000

Expenses:

1. House/room rental : S$400

2. Meals (assume SG10/day X 30): S$300

3. Transport (assume taking public transport; on and off take taxi;: S$100

4. Handphone: S$60

5. Internet bill: S$20

6. Insurances: S$70 (RM150)

7. $$ send back home (parents) or for some to clear some other debt: S$150 (RM300)

8. Groceries (once in awhile you'll buy something like Drink, toiletries, noodle, skin/hair treatment right?) : S$50

9. Entertainment (we PLUS/AJ sure spend a lot on this right? say club/go drink 2 twice a month; S$50 X 2): S$100

10. Incidental expenses (usually on credit card): S$50

11. NO EPF hence no deduction

Total montly outflow (on average): S$1,300.

Monthly Surplus: S$700 so in a year will be S$8,400! If convert back to RM (exchange rate $1=RM2.3) about: RM 19,320.

So, in this case clearly Singapore is best place to earn $$$ right?

But now, consider the advantage and disadvantage. By the way, the best person to tell this is yourself blog readers :) enjoy!

Malaysia:

Pro(s):

1. Close to family and friend

Cons: (~~for me la~~)

1. Low quality of living standard. Everything is expensive if earn in RM

2. Messy

3. Working culture definitely not for me!

4. Public transport less efficient. Roads/highway traffic jammed all the time!

5. lesser opportunity for me to grow (career)

Singapore

Pro(s)

1. Can earn more $$

2. Well organised. High standard of living

3. Public transport SUPER efficient! and cheap!

4. As long I'm good, there's always plenty opportunity for me to move up in my career progression.

cons:

1. Boring... :( Some people say so la! but for me.. who says BORING!! no way! haha

2. Far from family and friends :( (so what?! take plane go home lor.. nowadays air ticket super cheap)

3. Working environment = super demanding (no choice what.. everywhere also demanding)

So what do you think? write more on 'comments' ok?..

One day, I wish to work in Bangkok as Expats..

misery.....why love must full with misery?

2011-01-07T22:43:00.001+08:00

Drinking almost every night since new year eve.... ;(

Just emo n emo now. Lying in the bed after get drunk.. Again :(

I'm too sad to think about my state now... Wish someone come an save me from
Misery...

HaiHz.... I really
Miss you YW!

Procrastination

2011-01-07T00:17:00.003+08:00

Oh Yeah! I got more headache now. Got a phone call from Maybank Singapore HR today for invitation for interview for the Wealth Manager position. Basically, it just a formality la. Coz the Branch Manager already "okay" to accept me in.

The problem now is..... I'm procrastinating going over there. The pay increment is only $120 on my basic salary. I know over that side the compensation is better and potentially can see more increments in terms of incentives (about $1K plus). Called my friend(s) that side, some give positive answer and some negative. (more on negative).

It seems like.... I'm not ready crossing over to the other side. Let my Q help..

Q: Hi B3cks, what is the problem?
B: I got procrastinating la.. I dunnow if this is really what I want

Q: Well , u said u dun want to see ex already here. Then what now?
B: I think hor... it just excuse only la.

Q: what excuse?
B: To avoid him lor.

Q: avoiding people wont solve problem la. WHy not just face it? You doing so well here, somore got very good career progression and you know the system here better.
B: Yalor... somemore, for the first time seeing my BF(ex) just now during briefing. He is cute as ever... If I cross over then cannot see him already lor

Q: You see, its good start! aih?? I tot you are dating with someone now?
B: Aiyo Q, I said he is cute doesnt mean I want to get back together with him. Mayb have ~~many~~ one night stand can la! after sex then i dump him.. KIDDING!

Q: Ok, back to the issue now. So what is the problem? are you avoiding your EX and thats why you want to crossover to other side or issit because you really like to try new environment?
B: Actualy.. hmm..... i like here more. I good brighter career if I stay on here. I'm just avoding my ex coz whenever I see him, i try to control myself and relax. But he seems like ignoring or avoiding me.. sad...

Q: I think i know the problem now. B3cks.. dont mix personal and work ok? They are 2 different things. U must remember. If it was not you, your ex wont be here at this stage (of better career, environment and better pay). So if u crossing over now, there is so much uncertainty out there and its more like punishing yourself. So I says.. face the reality... just move on. furthermore... there;s someone missing you right now. why not just treasure what you have now and focus on more important thing. If your EX dont want to FORGIVE (coz you hit him like mad dog) or whatever shit la u expected him to do for you (e.g say sorry for slutting arround at sauna last time), then FCUK with it la.. just take it or leave it kind of thins. Its was his lost for not giving you face. You deserve better guy ok? He's surely just another MRT STOP in your life journey... once gone then gone. DOn't care about anything..

B: thanks thanks Q..I'll stay strong..

P/s: YW said.. "Dont EMO" not good for skin :P

B3cks the party animal!

2011-01-05T21:10:00.001+08:00

By Nature, B3cks is very quiet person... but I'm NOT sHY la! B3cks is by nature flirTY but a very LOYAL BF and as GROWN UP ADULT, B3cks know where to draw line!..

Actualy... I really not comfortable going to club especially with stranger. Furthermore, when attached with BF(s) for 6 donkey years I've forgotten how to blend in or make new friends.

Haha... I feel old already la.

Btw, all this changed since I got dumped by ex-BF (what!!!? ok, I confessed I kana dumped - but never in my life I got dump with someone I love very much. The rest I dump them la..). Since then, I'm partying almost every weekend? My skills like improved by 200% in flirting around?

To increase your "hotness", just make sure you are not over exposing yourself or hiding too much till people don't notice your presence. Remember to make small talk with everyone and make them comfortable with you.

IF you are too shy, then maybe drink more alcohol and just relax.

People tend to observe people right? Thanks to my 'charming-ness' also lah... so it's not very difficult for me to break the barrier.
talk talk... drink..drink.. then.. voila! Then next thing happen is I'm hugging someone and...kiss? haha
well just party la..

But I'm sober la. I know what I am doing and usually..... if I like someone, I would do more to captivate this guy. Otherwise, just hug.. kiss.. and... then.. bye bye

And If I'm too DRUNK, then... different story la. If I'm sad, I just cry out of nowhere. If i am happy, then dont care whom I hugging/dancing with, just do it la.. (oh thats happen in HI SO - too happy already kekeke)

In some cases, I would flirt in different way la. If I really like the person, I usually would hold his hand tight to show that I care for him.. (no hug or kiss..yet). Then if the person like me back.. then... I would probably will ".... .. ... ... .. . him"
I need someone to complete this sentence. To HOT to talk about it! btw, it's not random sex la k!

In some isolated cases, out of nowhere and out of sudden, after hanging out with this bunch of friends for few/many times... from many many many many many cute guy I'm ~~preying~~ concentrate on, I usually will get attracted to this just one person.

And... usually this person is different la, and my feeling is that "gosh! this is the GUY I want to be with".. because of his looks, because of his personality, because of his attitude, because of his ~~sensored~~..?

Hmm... because of something I cannot explain la. Issit chemistry? or issit because he know how to sing?

Is this sideview (while u singing) the one make me fall for you? ooh.. B3cks! have a self control k..

B3cks... Heart to heart talk Part 1

2011-01-05T02:58:00.004+08:00

Q: Why are you not sleeping now B3cks?
B3cks: Can't sleep... thinking of this messiness!

Q: What Messiness?
B3cks: Love, career, love..

Q: Oh no.. again?? We thought B3cks has recovered from this messiness. why now?
B3cks: Becoz..... I can't decide where, what, who, when, which, to choose..

Q: Choose? B3cks! you are lucky enough if you can choose. Things is, all this happen for reasons and sometimes we NOT in position to choose. Everything is written in "book of life" already...
B3cks: So what should I do now?

Q: PRAY!
B3cks: Hmmm...... I confuse now. I'm in love with a MAN.. But I dont have the courage to tell this MAN that I'm in love with him....

Q: Are you sure? Are you sure you are strong enough to let go your current ex-BF? and to tell this MAN you love him?
B3cks: I don't know.

Q: Are you leaving your current job?
B3cks: Yes... It's time for me to move on. It's not place for me anymore.. let my ex-BF have a space of his own (no stress for me, to see him or him seeing me)

Q: Then what happen to your recent promotion? and this morning your boss has hinted you that within months or so, you'll be given a opportunity to assume greater responsibilities as Assistant Branch Manager? Come on.. all your effort will go into drain if you leave now..
B3cks: I don't mind. There's plenty opportunity for me out there. Not necessarily must be in this BANK and face my nightmare everyday. Skip meeting, skip training just to AVOID him? (ex-BF) NOT FAIR!!!. Furthermore, switching to another bank will give me another new challenge, different environment and importantly PAY INCREMENT.

Q: Are you feeling better now B3cks? can't sleep? come take this sleeping pill..
B3cks: NO WAY! I have someone to LOVE now... I don't need this toxicating pills anymore. :)

Q: Btw b3cks... mind to tell us how's this LOVE started?
B3cks: I don't know.. But this poetry would do the explanation..

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where

I love you directly without problems or pride:

I love you like this because I don’t know any other way to love,

except in this form in which I am not nor are you,

so close that your hand upon my chest is mine,

so close that your eyes close with my dreams.

Am I brain washed or.. I have found LOVE again?

2011-01-05T01:30:00.002+08:00

I couldn't think of anything now... am I getting nightmare? am I brain washed? am falling in love again? Did I found ...the love that I wish never come to me when I least expect it..

Did I... falling in love again? or was this just illusion? or... is this ANSWER to my PRAY?

or is this CONFUSION?

or another heartbreaking LOVE HATE MISS RELATIONSHIP??

No...

Yes..

No..

Yes..

NO. But its okay. I don't care whatever the outcome is, there is only one thing for sure and its HAPPENING now.

B3cks has falling LOVE again!

...and he is READY to let go whatever happen in the past as another MEMORY that makes me what I am now, a GROWN UP MAN!

I got no expectation how far this love can BRING us... just..

just..

let..

this LOVE carry us away... far.. ..

300KM.. 1200KM....

Just love

2011-01-04T22:34:00.004+08:00

Love is not about jealousy, love is not about greed. love is not about liking and hating someone.

Love is pure, Love is sacred, Love is about giving.. and receiving. Love is about understanding, love is about loving each other, love is about to treasure each other. love is about LOVE and just love.

Love is cruel too, love is demanding, love is full with lust too, love is full with hatred, love easy come and easy go.

Love is simple..
Love will COME when you least expect it, and will GO when you think you have it!

Love... It comes when I least expecting it gonna happen and I am scared losing it again, (and this time, to lost it to love triangle)...

Good start for new year! 2011

2011-01-01T11:23:00.003+08:00

Last night really crazy lor.. went to HI SO pub. Its like E-Bar in Singapore.. can party, sing k-OK, and drink are reasonably priced. I start liking KL people more! I feel like in Taiwan leh! why so many cute people here?

Have great time.. dancing la, drinking la, hugging people lah, kissing people lah, flirting la.. and VOMIT!! wasted..no la kidding. about the vomit part, maybe just a bit.

Btw, I got a bit hangover now leh. Idea idea to get rid this hangover? or should I go gym later? gym then go sauna to un-toxicated myself. yeah... gym at 2nd floor then swimming.

Later tonight going to Birthday party to one of the member I met last night. keke.. i'm party animal lor.. right?

Finally I'm here

2010-12-31T16:36:00.002+08:00

KL looks much different now! not so dirty (but not close to clean lah), more flower.. more people and ... more rich people!

Btw, i'm staying in Shang ri la Hotel.. has impressive interior design! 5 star services 5 star room! (5 star price too! But not so expensive if paying in SGD)

And, the moment I switch on GRINDR there is so many CUTE GUY! haha... not like SG, too many muscle but ugly face!

So.. anyone want to date me or not?? :P

Confirm AJ! take bus together with me..

love lost, love found, love lost Bye 2010, Welcome 2011

2010-12-30T23:55:00.001+08:00

This year... seems like everything is flying really fast and without realising it.. its going to be end of 2010! Some blogger start writing about their new resolution. And soon me!

Btw, let me think about my 2010... let pics do the talking ...

Some milestone events happen to me this year.
January 2010 - Moved to new rented house at lavender together with BF
April 2010 - Bintan. Indonesia (honeymoon with BF)
July 2010 - Bangkok trip with BF
September 2010 - BF was accepted working the bank i'm working with
November 2010 - SEPERATED with BF.
December 2010 - feeling sad.. but I must stay strong. Feel like its the end of the world when I get dumped. For the first time, I feel like just want to end my life there..

December 2010: X'mas without him, B'day without him. new year without him, I realised that I really love him enough, too much until I'm willing let him go. Wish he has better living without me..

November 2010: Then.. we were having a very very big fight and missunderstanding... hmm, stress level is so high since my BF (ex) got into new job. Stress with exam, traning, etc. Then.. I catch him went to gay SAUNA absolute. So we confront each other.. result? : fight fight.. btw, this pic showed bruises on his hands.. I got some bruises too but I guess it wasnt really bad as his. :( the same night, he packs up and leave me for good.

July 2010: Our trip to Bangkok :D another sweet memory together

April 2010: There's some hiccups.. we got seperated and dont live together for 1 month. But then, we get back together after.. and make up each other. Went to BINTAN, Indonesia for honeymoon :D

January 2010: We were in LOVE back then.... back together to my hometown..

New year PARTY ON!

2010-12-29T20:14:00.000+08:00

:D

I'm in holiday mood now... clubbing mood! hehe.. do u notice my playlist? song nice or not? hehe.. come lets dance (will be in kl in 2 more days).

Btw, another super tired day. yesterday is 28/12 and went to Pasir Ris Chalet to celebrate my friend birthday (drink n drunk till dawn!!) Siok... dunno how many bottle of alcohol i drank but really super super HIGH! Even people whos dont know how to talk will talk!! then next morning, head heavy heavy. Overnight at frends chalet, so... came to work this morning wearing yesterday attire!yucks...! (no time to go home and change) hhaha... smelly nya...

suprisingly... nobody noticed ~~how smelly I am (never shower)~~... the security guard in the bank branch I'm working as usual greet me..

"Good morning Sir"
And also the frontdesk lady too.."Good Morning B3cks!" (smiley face)..

Then in 5 minutes.. with ties on, cheeky smiley on.. I'm ready to 'serve' again..
Frondesk lady (talking to a customer): Hi Ms. Ng, our Senior Relationship Manager err.. Mr. B3cks will assist you in your transaction..

B3cks: shake hands... (then start talking crap..talk talk.. then after 30mins of talking crap about world economy, deal closed!. Sold investment worth $300K today.. smiling)

.. thats my typical day at work.

WHo says I'm ...lousy? (but I still resigning la.. no matter how,) In the past.. my BF will clap clap hands and say" Congrats my dear! you so smart.. next year you can be Branch Manager already la if everyday like this" muacks muacks...

Haihz.. miss the moment... when my BF is still by my side and giving me all the motivation...
Hmm, He's still by my side la (working in e same bank). But, he simply dont care and cant be bother at all. He's like..has new life for himself.. :(

Good for him la..

. Btw, My BF birthday is on 28/12 too.... :) hmm... I really want to wish him "happy birthday". But I dont dare to sms him nor call him. Thousands of my previous smses simply go to dustbin I suppose so..
Mayb he really give up on me liao!!

OK... ok... dont EMO!

Err, come.. date me.... KL 31/12-2/1..

Slut is always slut!!

2010-12-27T21:01:00.000+08:00

Why??? I think I'm reading too much blog about loyalty and honesty... Bf sleep with other bf, bf fun at sauna for revenge or whatever slut lah.. Then bf forgive his bf for slutting coz he himself was (were) slut too!!

I am so tired of reading this real people real blog!! Why can't we AJ/PLU have some self respect and stop slutting around??!

Ok, back to realty... ME TOO SLUT!! sleep around while I'm attached with my first bf and now my 2nd bf did the same to me!!

KARMA?!

we gay is really gay! (irresponsible and just want to be GAY Fun?) Full with lust and so poor thing creature?

No!! We gay got our own pride ok? Have some self respect B3cks...

Ok, enough lah.. I'm tired of this. I was and now were slut!

B3cks the slutty AJ!

terra plana... confirm AJ if wearing this?

2010-12-27T17:57:00.001+08:00

At orchard now.. Shopping for Xmas gift for friend I'm meeting in KL this coming weekend :) see thus sandal? So stylish and .. Unique!! Urgh... I don't dare to wear this. I worry later will laugh at me especially kid.."Wah.. Mummy mummy, see that uncle! His sandal so cute.. "

Uncle?? What??

Haha